I been thinking about you so much lately, Its been really hard not having you around. I always thought that we would grow old together, sit on the porch and tell old family stories together... We be like hey do you remember when dad cooked those mountain oysters and then laughingly told where mountain oysters really come from. I figured we sit there and watch our grandkids play together, we would teach them how to play spades or rummy. Or we would just simply sit and listen to old songs and sing together like we used to do in our room as kids or in our car as adults. But we never got to do any of that, it just wasn't meant to be I guess. Its hard to except thoe, you were the one person I could tell ANYTHING to and never worry about having to be embarrassed or hold in my tears. You let me be me as silly, as cry babyish or crazy as I could be... you sis, you just loved me. Me and all my crazy. You were my rock in the middle of the ocean of hurt, pain and rejection. I could come to you and lay down and cry like a baby and you... you would let me, you would wipe my eyes or throw me tissue with that here crybaby look on your face but no contempt, just love. You would never let anyone hurt me not physically or emotionally, you always had my back. You taught me how to be a woman, how to know what to expect as a woman and how to be one hell-ava detective too. No one gets nothing past me Bo, nothing! I owe it all to you sis. You have no idea how great it was to be your little sister, to have someone love you soo unconditionally, the way you did. We had our arguments as all sisters do, but we never ever stayed mad and we never ever stopped loving each other. We could fuss and fight with each other but no one better mess with either of us.. it just wasn't going to happen! I remember so much about growing up with you, we were inseparable. we would up and move across the country at the drop of a dime, me you and all our kids! Nothing but gas and cloths... fearless! Do you know to this day, our kids they still love each other unconditionally!! We did that Bo, seems like we rubbed off on them. how bout that! But Bo, I have to tell you, we are all so lost without you... Don't get me wrong I know you would never truly leave us, but this is sooo hard to take. I know I feel you around sometimes, I even think I got you in my camera a couple times.. but its not the same. And I just don't know how to fix it. I cant face the kids sometimes because I cant fix it. I cant fix the pain of loosing you for any of us! Its so hard! I don't go home cause all I want to do is cry! I just want to hold all our kids and cry big ole crocodile tears and say im sorry that I cant fix this! It hurts Bo! I am starting this blog today cause well it just seems like if you cant be here, at least I can write you... Its been 7 years today since you left this physical world and transitioned on... I couldn't come there and watch you pass, I just couldn't.. we said we would never say goodbye and I couldn't stand to have that thought in my head of watching you leave. It was too much. sometimes if feel bad like I let you down, and I should have been strong for you.. so if I disappointed you Bo... Im sorry! But I loved you soo much I didn't want to let you go! I still love you Bo.. I always will! I know you are with Ma and Dad, Van, Jacky, Grandmommy and so many other friends and family... to many to really name right now, soo many loved ones over there. I think about you all sooo much, so many days... I cant call you, I cant hug you, but I can write... LETTERS TO MY LOVED ONES! Hope this letter finds you and reminds you how much you are loved to this day! Tell everyone hello and I love them too... I am gonna write back real soon, tell them they will be getting a few letters too! I love you all so much! And before I go, just know that I will do my best to be there for our kids and grands... I know I need to do a lil better, maybe these letters will help me regain my strength. And by the way... feel free to give a sister a lil advice every now and then... now don't yall go scaring me or nothing (and let God protect me still from the things that I need to be protected from). Anyway, I am sure you know what I mean.. (smile).. Im gonna go know... but I had to talk to you today... even if it was in my own crazy way. Love you sis... Later, Never Bye!
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